Counselling for Young People
Everyone deserves to be heard, and that includes young people.
Sometimes the worries and difficulties young people experience can be overlooked or misunderstood. Having someone outside of family, school and friendships to talk to can provide a valuable space to make sense of what is happening and how you are feeling.
I work with young people aged 13–18 and understand that there can be many different reasons why a young person may be struggling.
This might be because of changes in circumstances, such as parents separating or divorcing, moving house or school, losing someone they love (including a much-loved pet), pressure to do well, bullying, difficulties with confidence or simply feeling confused about who they are and where they fit.
I have experience of providing short- and medium-term counselling and have worked as a counsellor in a number of educational settings.
What is counselling like?
Counselling gives you a safe, confidential space to talk to someone who is separate from the rest of your life.
You can talk about whatever is on your mind. You might know exactly what is bothering you, or you might simply know that things don’t feel right and you’re not sure why. That’s okay too.
Together, we can explore what you’re experiencing and help you make sense of your thoughts and feelings.
We work at your pace. I’m not there to fix you, judge you or tell you what you should do. My role is to listen, support you and help you explore what might be helpful for you.
Confidentiality
Confidentiality is an important part of counselling. At the beginning of our work, I will explain clearly what confidentiality means and when there may be circumstances where information needs to be shared.
What you talk about in counselling will generally remain private. However, there are limits to confidentiality, particularly where there is a significant concern about your safety or the safety of someone else, or where there is a legal or safeguarding requirement to share information.
If I am concerned that information needs to be shared, I will involve you in that process wherever it is safe and appropriate to do so.
What about parents or carers?
Depending on your age, circumstances and understanding, your parent or carer may need to be involved in the arrangements for your counselling, including providing consent where appropriate.
This does not mean that they will automatically be told what you talk about in your sessions.
At the beginning of counselling, we will discuss how confidentiality works and what information may be shared with parents or carers. Wherever possible, this will be agreed with you so that you understand what to expect.
My aim is to respect your privacy and developing independence while also making sure that you are safe and appropriately supported.
Information for parents and carers
Seeing your child experience stress, anxiety or emotional difficulties can be upsetting, and it is natural to want to know how they are doing.
Counselling can provide a young person with a safe and supportive space to explore their thoughts, feelings and experiences with someone outside their immediate family.
When your child comes for counselling, my therapeutic relationship is with them as my client. Protecting their privacy and autonomy is therefore an important part of the work.
I will not routinely share the content of your child’s counselling sessions with you. We can agree at the outset what information can appropriately be shared and how we can work together to support your child.
There may be circumstances where information needs to be shared because of a significant concern about your child’s safety or the safety of another person, or because of a legal or safeguarding requirement. Where it is safe and appropriate, I will aim to discuss this with your child and involve them in the process.
It is important that a young person has an appropriate sense of ownership of their counselling experience and feels able to speak openly within the boundaries of confidentiality.
Supporting your own wellbeing
Supporting a young person who is struggling can be difficult too. If you are experiencing your own anxiety, stress or other difficulties, it is important that you have somewhere to access support for yourself.
It would generally be inappropriate for me to provide counselling to both you and your child, as this could create a conflict of interest and affect the therapeutic boundaries of the work.
If you would like to seek your own counselling, I can recommend that you look for a separate practitioner through an organisation such as Counselling Directory.
Everyone Deserves to be Heard
Why Counselling?
As a qualified counsellor, I offer young people a safe, confidential and non-judgemental space to explore whatever may be affecting them.
Sometimes young people find it difficult to talk to their friends or family. This isn’t necessarily because they don’t want to talk. They may worry about upsetting or frightening the people they love, or feel that those closest to them won’t fully understand what they are experiencing.
Counselling offers a different kind of space.
Being separate from family, friendships and school allows a young person to talk openly about their thoughts, feelings and worries without feeling that they need to protect anyone else or worry about being judged or told off.
They don't have to know exactly what is wrong or have all the answers. Together, we can explore what is happening for them and begin to make sense of their experiences.
My experience
Before becoming a counsellor, I worked as a registered nurse and then as a midwife. I subsequently spent more than 10 years working in educational settings with young people experiencing social, emotional and behavioural difficulties, including young people who were finding school difficult to manage or engage with.
I have also supported young people who have experienced sexual abuse and rape, providing a safe space for them to talk about what had happened and begin to make sense of their experiences.
These experiences have given me a broad understanding of the different challenges young people can face and the importance of listening to them without judgement.
My approach
I’m not there to fix your child, and I won’t tell them what they should do.
My role is to offer them the time, space and support to make sense of their world and what they are experiencing at this point in their lives.
Together, we can explore thoughts and feelings, develop strategies that may help them manage difficult situations and build a greater understanding of themselves.
Most importantly, I want young people to feel heard, respected and able to have a voice in their own counselling experience.
If you have any questions about counselling for your young person, please feel free to get in touch. I’m happy to talk things through and answer any questions you may have.
Understanding Self-Harm
Finding out that your child is self-harming can be incredibly difficult.
You may experience a whole range of emotions, perhaps shock, fear, anger, guilt, sadness, confusion or a sense that you have somehow failed them. These feelings are understandable, particularly when this is something you have never encountered before.
Whatever you are feeling, one of the most helpful things you can do is try to remain calm and let your young person know that you are there for them.
This information is intended to help you begin to understand self-harm and some of the reasons why a young person may use it as a way of coping. It may also help you think about how you can respond with compassion and support, even when you don't fully understand what they are experiencing.
You don't need to have all the answers.
What is self-harm?
Self-harm is when someone intentionally hurts themselves or deliberately takes an action that could cause them harm.
There are many different forms of self-harm, including:
cutting
taking an overdose or intentionally taking too much medication
hitting or punching themselves
burning themselves
skin picking
hair pulling
deliberately bruising themselves
other forms of intentional self-injury.
Self-harm is often a way of coping with overwhelming emotional distress. The reasons behind it are different for everyone, and sometimes a young person may not fully understand why they are doing it themselves.
Self-harm and suicide
Self-harm does not necessarily mean that someone wants to die. Many people self-harm as a way of coping with intense emotional distress without intending to end their life.
However, there is an important relationship between self-harm and suicide, and anyone who self-harms should be taken seriously and supported appropriately. Some people who self-harm may also experience suicidal thoughts, and self-harm can sometimes be suicidal behaviour.
It is therefore important not to assume that self-harm is either “just attention seeking” or that it automatically means someone is suicidal. The individual circumstances need to be explored with care and without judgement.
Why might someone self-harm?
There isn't one simple reason why someone self-harms.
For some young people, it can provide temporary relief from overwhelming emotions such as anxiety, anger, sadness, panic or stress. It may give them a sense of control when everything else feels out of control.
For others, it may be a way of expressing feelings that are difficult to put into words, coping with numbness or disconnection, or responding to feelings such as shame, guilt or self-criticism.
The relief is usually temporary, which can make it difficult to find other ways of coping.
Possible contributing factors might include:
bullying or difficulties with friendships
family or relationship difficulties
low self-esteem
anxiety, depression or other emotional difficulties
feeling under pressure at school
difficulties with identity or belonging
experiences of abuse or trauma
grief or loss
anger or frustration
feeling overwhelmed or out of control
feeling numb or disconnected
difficulty expressing or managing emotions.
Sometimes there isn't an obvious reason, and the reasons can change over time.
How can I respond as a parent?
Discovering that your child is self-harming can trigger a strong emotional reaction. However, how we respond can make a real difference.
Try to approach the subject with calmness, curiosity and compassion.
Let them know that you are concerned about them and that you want to understand what they are experiencing.
Rather than focusing only on the injury or asking “What have you done to yourself?”, try to understand what was happening for them before they self-harmed.
You might say:
“I'm not angry with you. I can see that things are really difficult at the moment, and I want to understand how I can support you.”
You don't have to understand exactly why they are doing it in order to let them know that you care.
The NHS recommends listening without judgement, asking how the person would like to be supported and trying to understand their feelings rather than focusing solely on the self-harm.
Don't be afraid to talk about it
Talking about self-harm sensitively does not encourage someone to self-harm. Young people can benefit from having the opportunity to talk about what is happening and to feel that someone is willing to listen.
You don't need to interrogate them or ask lots of questions. Let the conversation develop at their pace and remind them that they can come back to you when they're ready.
Finding other ways to cope
Self-harm can become a way of managing difficult feelings, so simply telling someone to stop may not address what is underneath it.
It can be helpful to explore other ways of managing overwhelming emotions and identify what might help them through difficult moments.
Depending on the individual, this might include:
writing or journalling
drawing or painting
listening to music
going for a walk
having a bath or shower
talking to someone they trust
spending time with a friend
using breathing or grounding techniques
finding a safe distraction when the urge to self-harm arises
seeking professional support.
Your young person may already have things that help them feel calmer. Ask them what works for them rather than assuming you know.
The NHS also recommends identifying triggers, delaying the urge where possible and using distraction or calming activities while seeking support for the underlying difficulties.
What about removing things they could use to self-harm?
Safety needs to be considered individually.
It may be appropriate to reduce access to particular means of self-harm, particularly where there is an immediate risk, but simply removing an object does not address the emotional distress underneath the behaviour.
This is something that can be discussed with the young person and, where appropriate, with the professionals supporting them.
A collaborative safety plan can help identify warning signs, coping strategies and people who can be contacted when things feel overwhelming. NICE recommends that safety planning is developed collaboratively and involves family or carers where appropriate.
When should I seek professional help?
If your young person is self-harming, it is important that they have the opportunity to talk to an appropriate professional.
This might include their GP, school or college safeguarding/wellbeing team, a counsellor or relevant children and young people's mental health service.
Self-harm can sometimes be associated with suicidal thoughts, so it is important to take any concerns about suicide seriously and seek appropriate help.
If there has been an overdose, significant injury or you believe your young person is in immediate danger, seek urgent medical or emergency help rather than relying on counselling alone.
And what about you?
This can be incredibly difficult for parents too.
You may feel frightened, angry, guilty or completely out of your depth. Try not to blame yourself. Your young person's self-harm does not mean that you have failed as a parent.
Make sure you have somewhere to talk about your own feelings and concerns. This might be with your partner, a trusted friend, family member, your GP or a counsellor.
If you would like counselling yourself, this would need to be with a different counsellor from the person working therapeutically with your child, in order to maintain appropriate professional boundaries and avoid a conflict of interest.
You don't have to understand everything immediately. Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is simply let your young person know:
“I'm here. I might not understand everything you're going through, but I want to listen and help.”
Further support
The NHS provides further information about self-harm, getting help and supporting someone who self-harms.
For young people under 19, Childline can also provide confidential support on 0800 1111.
🚨 If you need urgent help
If your young person has taken an overdose, has a serious injury, is in immediate danger, or you are concerned that they may be at risk of suicide:
Call 999 or go to your nearest A&E department.
If you are concerned but it is not an immediate emergency, contact your GP or NHS 111 for advice and support.
If you are worried about suicide or your young person is in crisis, don't leave them alone while you seek help where it is safe to do so.
You can also contact Childline on 0800 1111 for support for young people under 19.
If in doubt about immediate safety, seek urgent medical help.